The Mann Act in Action

God knows I have nothing original to say about Eliot Spitzer, but talk of the Mann Act reminds me of this story:

A rather eccentric scientist, after years of painstaking research into counteracting the effects of the aging process, at last perfected a method of indefinitely prolonging lifespans, fulfulling the age-old dream of cheating death itself. Unfortunately, the process worked only on dolphins, and required that the dolphins live on a diet consisting exclusively of seagulls.  In hopes of extending the technique to humans, the scientist kept a pair of now-immortal seagull-fed dolphins in a large tank in his laboratory for study.

Every day he went  to the beach to collect his dolphins’ seagull ration.  One day, walking from the beach to the parking lot with a full load of seabirds, he was surprised to see a pair of full-grown lions–recently escaped from the state zoo, located nearby–blocking his path.  The lions did not seem particularly threatening; indeed, as far as he could tell, they were fast asleep, after the manner of cats.  The option of walking around the lions, through the stiff and prickly beach grass that lined the path, being unattractive, the scientist simply jumped over them.

He was immediately arrested for violating the Mann Act, by transporting gulls across state lions for immortal porpoises.

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One Response to “The Mann Act in Action”

  1. Allisongo Says:

    Brilliant text.., bro

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